Choosing to engage in a relationship could feel like a jump in unknown waters. The intention and expectation is to feel safe, secure, and unconditionally loved. But more often than not, little is known about love and intimacy by both partners. Hence, when the partner gets distracted, preoccupied, disconnected, and unavailable, disappointment and resentment can arise, agitating the calm waters of one own feeling of safety.

Moreover, there is the evidence in the clinical research, that people who experienced trauma are more likely to have partners with their own trauma history. In those cases, trauma can be re-enacted in the relationship and both partners could find themselves engulfed by unconscious defense mechanisms, that could escalate the tension and foster misunderstanding.

At Therapy Tides, we use different modalities, such as systemic therapy, the IFS model, EFT, and the attachment theory framework to navigate the journey of understanding and shaping new ways of communicating within the couple. This allows both partners to hold hands, while diving in their own personal inner family system, defense mechanisms, and attachment styles. Partners also witness their beloved one doing the same, which brings empathy, compassion and tolerance for the challenges of the other. There is an increase in awareness of how their early experiences in childhood affect their role in current intimate relationships and a growing sense of agency and autonomy in their ability to choose differently now, as they are both growing into emotional adulthood.

This process facilitates previously unmet needs to be finally met, breaking self-defeating behaviors and negative interactional cycles, while helping partners to establish a secure emotional connection, so that they become a “secure base” and “safe haven” for each other.

The relationship can then transform into a source of protection and comfort. Each partner can become the container that helps to co-regulate the triggered trauma responses of helplessness, anger, fear, and shame of the other.

A central role in this process, is played by the therapeutic bond, which is built on curiosity, humility, centeredness, as well as an awareness of the painful rejection and lack of validation associated with experiencing a relationship that involves trauma. Our slow paced rhythm and a systematic approach also guarantees the right timing for both partners to gradually engage in new ways of responding to each other.

This process shows to partners how each can grow and how their growth can make great differences in their interactions and in their relational satisfaction. Hence pride can replace shame, and hope can replace helplessness and despair.

The benefits of working with us could include:

  • reciprocally, creating secure attachment relationships in the present

  • relational growth in both partners and in their relationship to one another.

  • harmony in the relationship and support for the intimate partner in developing Self-leadership

  • reductions in posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms and higher relationship satisfaction

  • transformation of anger into a resource for change, rather than a weapon.

  • increased courage to hear feedback without putting up a protective wall

  • speaking truths with care and respect

  • being less vulnerable to shame

  • the discovering of one’s own innate intelligence and capacity for healing.

  • accessing the capacity for love and care that comes from within the Self

  • increased acceptance of the humanness of the partner and their capacity to grow and love deeply

If you want to experience the thrill of couple diving and discovering the underwater word and treasures of your relationship, get in touch!